I’m revealing what my very first DBSK video folder looked like. In lieu of conventional dates and even song titles, my favorite way to name performances was by outfit color. It also appears I thought stage lighting was particularly descriptive. But “Talk First Then Sing” definitely takes the cake! In fangirl theory it was supposed to make identifying videos easier. Now that it has been 10 years I can laugh at my file-naming ways. It’s funny because downloading was the only way I could watch videos back then, meaning I had a lot of practice naming files. Yet I continued with my special descriptions until about halfway though the Tri-Angle/Miduhyo comeback cycle. It finally hit me that DBSK would have an indefinite number of performances and I needed to find an organizational solution. Yes, I graduated to the trusty method of date + title! The 10th Anniversary is near so I’ve really been in a sappy mood. I keep trying to summarize 10 years into a singular picture in my mind. This screencap of my ancient DBSK folder is one of the many images there.
There was a time in the DBSK fandom when no one judged you by the person in your profile picture. Your screen name was also a non-issue. That was a time when you didn’t have to specify what “kind” of fan you were or which member(s) you were a fan of. No one assumed your fandom views. And the way “bias” is ridiculously overused these days to describe everything, was unheard of.
(I am heartbroken that anyone coming into fandom after 2009 can’t experience such a time.)
The chances of past DBSK songs never being performed again make me frustrated, bitter and sad. But mostly, I’m missing, wishing and cherishing. It’s not practical but I also think of the songs they’ve never even sung live before. Every single DBSK song deserves to be sung and celebrated.
(I’m just as attached to the music as I am to the boys.)
I remember the first time I calculated my age in comparison to the boys. Obviously with the purpose of trying to find just how compatible I was with them.
(Don’t judge, a fangirl can dream! Mrs.KimShimParkKimJung…)
It’s been 3 years since the announcement of the lawsuit, 2 years since Jaesuchun started promoting as JYJ and 1 year since Homin started again as DBSK. At the end of last year I came to the peaceful realization that DBSK as 5 will always be precious to me. I should continue to enjoy the happiness they gave to the fullest. This doesn’t mean the heartbreak is gone, it’s just that now I hurt less and savor more when watching old videos/performances.
I want to build a time machine that takes me back to March 2004, when I first became their fan. Maybe when I get there I’ll decide to build a machine that stops time. Or perhaps I’ll decide to re-live it all again.
Today is a year since the release of Keep Your Head Down (01.05.2011). It was one of the most painful yet proudest times I’ve had within 8 years of being in the TVXQ fandom.
(Yunho and Changminnie, never give up!)