I miss them so much

At times like this I miss them together as 5 so much that it hurts and I am crying. I am so angry, feel so helpless, so needy, so upset, hurting hurting hurting and so hopeful. I think of every single moment they were together, every glance, every group hug, all the laughter, the holding hands, the tears, and every single performance. It doesn’t help that songs like Insa exist so I plug in my headphones and put it on repeat. I pathetically sob to myself and wish that wishes could come true. I am selfish because all I can think about is what I want and need.

I try to carry on as best I can. But the “could have” and “should have been” thoughts always find me. I remind myself that the pain I feel is nothing compared to the 5 boys.

It’s funny how so much falls back to just one single moment in time: In March 2004 I saw the HUG music video for the first time…there were no warnings to not get attached or fall too deeply.

So here I am now.

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