Before the lawsuit I did not make effort to personally connect with other fans despite belonging to DBSK dedicated forums and roaming the Soompi DBSK thread for years. There was this mutual understanding of where we all stood as DBSK fans. I felt I didn’t need to go beyond that.
In April 2010, I saw for the first time how differently everyone viewed the boys. There were many ‘firsts’ that shattered my fandom world, the boys separating, the fans separating–things I honestly never ever predicted. I had no fandom friends to turn to during this hard time.
For months I remained in denial that our fandom had truly split. Until the very last seconds (November 2010) before it was announced Yunho and Changmin would make a comeback, I believed we as a whole would support them. Again, I was wrong and was finally forced to accept that our fandom was not what I believed or what the boys believed.
It broke my heart to see everyone part ways but it surprisingly pushed me to find other fans. Suddenly I could not spazz the same anymore. I didn’t know if someone would appreciate what I had to say if they didn’t support the specific boys I was spazzing about. Others also reached out to me. I read back on old messages, us supporting each other, expressing our hurt over the boys and fandom. Those words still mean a lot to me.
There was new strength in those discussions that kept me going. I found others who believed in DBSK as I did.
[this is a very unusual “confessions” because it’s so long. i could make it it’s own post but i think it belongs here ^^.]