Confessions of a Cassiopeia #27

#27

Before the lawsuit I did not make effort to personally connect with other fans despite belonging to DBSK dedicated forums and roaming the Soompi DBSK thread for years. There was this mutual understanding of where we all stood as DBSK fans. I felt I didn’t need to go beyond that.

In April 2010, I saw for the first time how differently everyone viewed the boys. There were many ‘firsts’ that shattered my fandom world, the boys separating, the fans separating–things I honestly never ever predicted. I had no fandom friends to turn to during this hard time.

For months I remained in denial that our fandom had truly split. Until the very last seconds (November 2010) before it was announced Yunho and Changmin would make a comeback, I believed we as a whole would support them. Again, I was wrong and was finally forced to accept that our fandom was not what I believed or what the boys believed.

It broke my heart to see everyone part ways but it surprisingly pushed me to find other fans. Suddenly I could not spazz the same anymore. I didn’t know if someone would appreciate what I had to say if they didn’t support the specific boys I was spazzing about. Others also reached out to me. I read back on old messages, us supporting each other, expressing our hurt over the boys and fandom. Those words still mean a lot to me.

There was new strength in those discussions that kept me going. I found others who believed in DBSK as I did.

[this is a very unusual “confessions” because it’s so long. i could make it it’s own post but i think it belongs here ^^.]

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6 thoughts on “Confessions of a Cassiopeia #27

  1. waah. so sweet.. its really nice to know you too.. you and sheila are one of the best people in soompi that i know of.. ^^

    dont worry too much.. just remember that even if we they seem to over shadow ot5 fans.. that doesn’t mean were not here… dont be sad anymore.. ^^

    woot woot.. together we ot5 stand and divided we fall.. because we rock.. ^^

  2. I find it hard to spazz too….. and it kinda hurts to keep the faith when everyone else seems to not know what it mean to cassies but I will always keep the faith for the 5 boys who gave us so much. Love your blog :)

  3. I wanted to let you know. I discovered DBSK at the end of last year and after finding more about them through videos of mvs, behind the scenes, variety shows I grew so fond of them. And then I found out they split.

    For the following months I continued to support the five, I felt so sad that their special friendship was torn apart like that, but I believed in supporting who they are now and continue onwards to the future, who knows maybe they will reconcile in the future. I enjoy their music now as much as I did then, because they are all showing new sides to themselves, but I just hope that their friendship will ‘rebond’ again in the future.

    I was content as a fan even though I was sad about their friendship being affecting by all this. I too was excited and happy whenever I watched an old /new mv, old variety show (to be honest, there haven’t been a lot of new variety shows etc since after lawsuit). I too assumed fans will have their bias but fans supported and think alike in some ways. Until last friday.

    I always knew about fanwars but I never read into them because I didn’t think they should be encouraged. But I did read this one fanwar in youtube and made a general comment on ‘no point in bashing each other, no one knows the whole truth, just stay united and support’ and like you, I soon discovered not everyone thought like me and appreciated the things I appreciated.

    I was so lost too. I started reading all the things around the lawsuit, the meeting translations, letters and everything everyone else kept on talking about. I felt lost as to where to stand. It seemed like a for a while people who wanted to support all 5 were very rare. Everyone kept on bashing the other, fans bashing fans, bashing idols. It sudden;y felt really tiring to be a fan. whenever I made a blog post about my feelings on these I would get anonymous messages bashing JYJ to me. It made me feel like an evil person for supporting all 5 for who they are. As if, if I was to truly support one then I must believe that the other is evil. Even how I referred the groups was criticized by others because they called them differently. This cautiousness I felt was not comfortable and made me feel slightly stressed.

    But just yesterday, I was having a peaceful discussion (unlike the rest whom weren’t as peaceful) initiated by the other party who was a Homin-only fan. And I found hope again. She had messaged me about a post I made and she said her pov in this whole situation (in a very mannered and calm way), I then messaged back confessing my confusion but my reasoning in still supporting the 5. I explained my frustration of fans bashing non stop, targeting the other and this stress in being a fan which shouldn’t be there. I explained how I still believe in the 5 in relation to all the ‘evidence’ everyone talks about, I explained I took in consideration of facts given to us, but persisted in the fact that interpretation etc can make the ‘fact’ seem like this and that.

    And what warmed my heart was she was willing to take into consideration of what I said. She understood where I was coming from. She saw where I was coming from and she too said it is the truth that no one knows the entire situation and shouldn’t base their opinion on what they ‘think’ they know. And we came to a mutual understanding. And for the first time since this turmoil started I felt confident of my decision and choices again.

    Sorry about this long comment… But I wanted to express my growing journey as a supporter of all 5 too to you. That although it was a hard and emotionally draining and challenging journey I felt like I grew so much as a fan.

    And today I came across your blog and it made me happy that I found another fan who supports all 5 for who they are. Thank you for your blog.

    1. Hi there, it’s always a pleasure meeting another fan. No need to be sorry about the ‘long comment’ at all, like I said, reaching out to each other in these times is something encouraging! Thanks for sharing what you’ve been through and what you’ve been thinking as a fan. I think most of us have had to go through this transition of realizing what’s really going on around us in fandom. As you described, it can get super stressful and it’s really hard to accept that being a fan of the boys could feel like that. Remember that Changmin said the boys are like vitamins but we have to live healthily and as happy as we can. Don’t let fandom get to you too much and know that many fans are with you in what you believe.

      1. Hi :D Thanks for replying :D I feel a lot better lately (Been focusing back on my own work and had to deal with uni projects). With the break from the confusing and stressful fandom, I came back to it with a different view. It made me realise, there will always be fans who comment hurtful things about either side. Some will be ignorant comments, some will be comments were you can see that the fans have some kind of standing point. Of course, not everyone is going to like all 5, but it would be nice if no one always bashed the other whenever they got the chance and just celebrated what the 5 are accomplishing right now. I just watched the recent performance of TVXQ’s Rising Sun, and my heart swelled with so much pride watching Changmin and Yunho holding up the stage. Accepting that the two are doing well is not forgetting the past and forgetting about the other 3. To me, TVXQ is not just a name, it’s not just an ‘official name’ SM gave them. It is the representation of the team as well as each individual (where individually too they are TVXQ). :D

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